[he hands her his heart]

"you do realize, i'm breaking up with you, right?"

"that's the strange thing. it's actually yours now. i don't know why it works this way, but i'm never going to be able to get over you. and so from now on every girl that i meet will be meticulously compared to you and unfortunately, none of them will be able to measure up to the false memory of what you and i once had."

"well maybe i can just keep it for a little while, use it for small things like if i have a shitty day or i need someone to talk to, or if i need someone to lift something heavy. and then eventually i'll give it back to you when we both find someone new."

"unfortunately, it won't work that way."

"why not?"

"well, now that you have my heart i'm pretty much an empty cavity inside. for a lack of a better term, heartless. i will now treat each woman i meet with a passive aggressive contentiousness, that will ruin relationship after relationship for many years to come."