you know, i feel pretty emotionally drained (and have been as of late). i like this not having to worry about another person thing. today was a very family oriented day.

in dreams, emotions are overwhelming.

attacking red fish. floating on cardboard over a lake? escape the attacking fish by running up some random escalator that was attached to the lake. then i'm at a gas station at macarthur/bison and i'm about to leave for amber's house. then someone tells me justin timberlake was gay and chaz was too. someone mentions something about cameron diaz outing him. meeting my pen pal at a gap, i had a pan of pasta with me in a brown bag. i ask my pen pal about seeing faye reagan at that weakerthans show. he gives me a cigarette (camel turkish) and i have a hard time smoking it. black moth super rainbow's music starts playing (i think) and zooey deschanel picks me up and i'm magically lifted to my bed from that gap. i wake up in the bed realizing i never went to amber's house, and send her a text. i look for my pen pal. mild confusion.
i think i might have been in an aquarium at some point. i was also in what looked like my old gymnastics place but there was a weird tournament going on (sponsored by vans?) and the westminster high school cheerleaders were in there practicing their tumbling. but they weren't very good.

i'm finding more and more that it's getting harder to live with my mom every day. i completely love her, but her living habits are driving me nuts. i mean it. except that i have no way to move until i transfer schools. that could be another two years. the only option i have is to change the situation, and take control of how the house is run.

is it that time already again?

1. wednesday yoga classes (with emily)
2. friday morning cycling classes (with myself)
3. new wardrobe (thanks tax refund)
4. still need a bike (so i can ride places and save gas)
5. new car too (so i can save money on gas)
6. wear more headbands/jewelry (consult megan about earrings)
7. maybe get a new haircut soon.. not necessarily shorter, maybe more layers..
8. get a job at uo asap (with bethany's help)
9. get a plane ticket to NY in may
10. pay off credit card debt (need monies, see #8)
11. pay andrew back (see #8)
12. learn how to wear hair in different ways (ask megan)
13. get more street cred (ask nakita)
14. get drunk sometimes (with nicole)
15. learn how to swim (group effort)
16. seek therapy (free at school)
17. vegas for my 21st (can all my women be there?)

i'm either getting carpal tunnel in my right hand/wrist/arm or.. it's just sore from being used with the computer more. i need to train my left hand on how to be my right hand.

at home in the town center.

had lunch at the uci town center veggie grill today with alex. i wasn't actually very hungry, so i ended up only getting a kids meal. the girl who rung us up asked if i was helen, and then gave us the employee discount. i was pleasantly surprised, because i wasn't on first name basis with this girl, but i had seen her around. how sweet! after lunch, we went to the tokyo lifestyle store, where i got some tracing paper and sea life origami. we went to the comic book store (alakazam) afterward, and spent a pretty good amount of time in there. i ended up getting some really awesome stationery sets, and i can't wait to use them. on our way out of the town center, i ran into matt from vg, who i guess was just getting off work. everyone just seemed so nice today. today was a good day.

i just ate the jameson cupcake i got from babycakes last week. i wasn't expecting to taste so much jameson.

How stupid is it?
For all I know you want me too
And maybe you just don't know what to do
Or maybe you're scared to say: "I'm falling for you"

between knocking out after coming home from lake elsinore, and waking up to go to emily's 21st birthday, i'm nearing a resolution for things. i think.

what am i supposed to think when someone says "and you think this is supposed to be incentive for me to take you on date?"

obviously not have any incentive to be their friend.

ALSO, why would you need incentive to take someone on a date? can't you just do it because you genuinely enjoy hanging out and like the person? or am i being too basic here?

i'm starting to really hate everything. but today was a good day.

5 bands i have never liked or will ever get into

1. green day (if you want me to be truthful i hate the sound of billie joe's voice. everyone says dookie was a milestone. but i don't care. never liked green day.)
2. the white stripes (
3. kings of leon (i've given aha shake heartbreak a shot, and nothing)
4.
5.

i'll get back to this later.

stupid observation #1

watching jimmy fallon right now. kristen stewart is guest. she acts the same in person as she does in twilight (like she's choked up and can't finish her sentences). she's also got really bad posture.

i fucked up my top 5 simple pleasures list, so...

things i will never wear:

1. aviators or ray bans
2. anything that is floral print
3. ripped tights (i even feel hesitant to wear tights if there is a tiny hole, but since i am not made of money i can make that exception)
4. cardigans that don't have that classic cardigan shape (for example: cardigans that don't have buttons, the kind that are longer in the front than in the back, cardigans that are 3/4 sleeve)
5. buffalo plaid print (it's been bastardized time and time again [f21, urban, tilly's killed it - and not in the good way], and now it just looks terrible. except for those yellow buffalo plaid creative recreation shoes nakita has)



things i can't say no to wearing:

1. shirt dresses
2. vans lo pros
3. dark colors (black, navy, dark green)
4. j brand jeans (pencil leg only)
5. striped anything

investing time in something is dangerous. prime example: people. investing time in people, means investing some sort of trust (maybe not to the fullest extent), and giving people the power to let you down. that's the hardest part. are people afraid of being happy because they're afraid of getting hurt? it's entirely a vicious cycle. me, getting hurt by someone who's afraid of being happy because he's afraid of being hurt is making me feel weary about being happy because i don't want to get hurt. you get the picture.

also, internet archaeologist finds ruins of friendster civilization.

sprang brake D00D

outline spring break accordingly.. i may have to get an oil change for my uncle's car. i wonder if he'll be mad when he gets back and sees how many miles i will have put on his car by the end of the month.

(this is from 3-12 to 3-21)

friday - coffee at viento with steph, hung out with amber at the spectrum, rescued nicole from hb

saturday - geo 181 at crystal cove, aliso creek beach, dana point. food at locali and hausa at the new beverly.

sunday - embarked on boat in dana point harbor.. went to san onofre state beach to observe rock formations. slept all day. awake at 11pm.

monday - grocery shop, clean room/house, feed my uncle's fish and water his grass at lake elsinore (errands day). hang out with bp and rikki in the evening time.

tuesday - the birch aquarium in la jolla

wednesday - homework day? i do have homework.. get the oil checked on my uncle's car maybe.

thursday - la day with z.

friday - if i go to monterey bay aquarium, the day would have to start at 5am, fisherman's wharf.. and maybe be an overnight sf stay? maybe redeem my ike's coupon? i could take the 101 up there and sightsee on the way too.

saturday - interview at SCP at 1230PM.. if i can reschedule this to later in the day i think i will..

sunday - brunch and watching the wolfpack hustle alleycat race on sunday with bp.. i may have to get up extra early if i want cookies/sandwiches from the taste of life booth at the hollywood farmers market.. coffee at chango might be a must..

you know when you look into the mirror, and you're tired of what you see? yeah.. i feel boring. my hair has been unchanged since april. i'm so used to wearing a little bit of makeup that when i don't, i feel like i look sickly. i'm pretty sure my femininity was challenged tonight. maybe i should start wearing more dresses, or girlier clothing at least..

why is rosetta stone so expensive? i need the french level 3. i don't have room in my class schedule to take anymore french classes, and i still want to learn the language more.

something pointless.

i'm looking after my uncle's yaris while he is away in laos for a month. i've driven it before, back when he had to replace my tires. anyway, driving his car is like driving a toy car. not in a bad way though. any complaints will only really be centered around me not being used to his car. i've been driving my car since right after i turned 16. of course i am far more used to it and accustomed to everything about it.

yaris -
pros:
-mpg (29/36)
-small
-zippy

cons:
-stereo
-i feel like i'm sitting in a highchair (but my uncle has some seat pad or something for comfort, that's why)
-his car battery died today! i have to call triple a tomorrow because apparently no one i know has jump cables.

my car -

cons:
-mpg
-feels like i'm driving a tank (it's a heavy car)

so cute.

listening to boys life and pondering the meaning of life.