you know, i feel pretty emotionally drained (and have been as of late). i like this not having to worry about another person thing. today was a very family oriented day.

in dreams, emotions are overwhelming.

attacking red fish. floating on cardboard over a lake? escape the attacking fish by running up some random escalator that was attached to the lake. then i'm at a gas station at macarthur/bison and i'm about to leave for amber's house. then someone tells me justin timberlake was gay and chaz was too. someone mentions something about cameron diaz outing him. meeting my pen pal at a gap, i had a pan of pasta with me in a brown bag. i ask my pen pal about seeing faye reagan at that weakerthans show. he gives me a cigarette (camel turkish) and i have a hard time smoking it. black moth super rainbow's music starts playing (i think) and zooey deschanel picks me up and i'm magically lifted to my bed from that gap. i wake up in the bed realizing i never went to amber's house, and send her a text. i look for my pen pal. mild confusion.
i think i might have been in an aquarium at some point. i was also in what looked like my old gymnastics place but there was a weird tournament going on (sponsored by vans?) and the westminster high school cheerleaders were in there practicing their tumbling. but they weren't very good.

i'm finding more and more that it's getting harder to live with my mom every day. i completely love her, but her living habits are driving me nuts. i mean it. except that i have no way to move until i transfer schools. that could be another two years. the only option i have is to change the situation, and take control of how the house is run.

is it that time already again?

1. wednesday yoga classes (with emily)
2. friday morning cycling classes (with myself)
3. new wardrobe (thanks tax refund)
4. still need a bike (so i can ride places and save gas)
5. new car too (so i can save money on gas)
6. wear more headbands/jewelry (consult megan about earrings)
7. maybe get a new haircut soon.. not necessarily shorter, maybe more layers..
8. get a job at uo asap (with bethany's help)
9. get a plane ticket to NY in may
10. pay off credit card debt (need monies, see #8)
11. pay andrew back (see #8)
12. learn how to wear hair in different ways (ask megan)
13. get more street cred (ask nakita)
14. get drunk sometimes (with nicole)
15. learn how to swim (group effort)
16. seek therapy (free at school)
17. vegas for my 21st (can all my women be there?)

i'm either getting carpal tunnel in my right hand/wrist/arm or.. it's just sore from being used with the computer more. i need to train my left hand on how to be my right hand.

at home in the town center.

had lunch at the uci town center veggie grill today with alex. i wasn't actually very hungry, so i ended up only getting a kids meal. the girl who rung us up asked if i was helen, and then gave us the employee discount. i was pleasantly surprised, because i wasn't on first name basis with this girl, but i had seen her around. how sweet! after lunch, we went to the tokyo lifestyle store, where i got some tracing paper and sea life origami. we went to the comic book store (alakazam) afterward, and spent a pretty good amount of time in there. i ended up getting some really awesome stationery sets, and i can't wait to use them. on our way out of the town center, i ran into matt from vg, who i guess was just getting off work. everyone just seemed so nice today. today was a good day.

i just ate the jameson cupcake i got from babycakes last week. i wasn't expecting to taste so much jameson.