Why I hate family get togethers (or at least mine):

Them: "You've put on so much weight."
Me: "Yeah, I guess."
Them: "You used to be so thin."
Me: "The last you saw me, I might have been 14."

Cue my uncle whipping out a picture of me in Laos at the very ripe
age of 9. He says, "You used to be so innocent. You're just a bad kid
now."

More on this later.